Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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