I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
