I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
