I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
