she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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