I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
