I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
