Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
