I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
a search helicopter?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
