Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
