first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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