If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
