what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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