You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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