Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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