I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
