either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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