There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
