weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
