he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
