Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
