the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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