Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
