period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We need to get me chipped asap
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