all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
