1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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