I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
