genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
