Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
