Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
