The brown eye won't let me do that either.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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