allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
