I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
