At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
