our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
