I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
smell my finger.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
