the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
