my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
