...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Your dad touched me again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
