He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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