i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
