When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
