can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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