A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
