i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
