the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
