like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
