theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
