There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
