you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
