We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
