They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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