There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
